There used to be a dog that lived in the house where I live now. Just the one in all that time. I don't remember whether it was boy or girl it died before I was born. It was one of those little terrier jobs. It was a rescue dog of no identified breed.

It was called Naffy. It was called Naffy because if was picked up as a stray by the woman who was to become my mother whilst she was working as a camp catering manager with the NAAFI during the second world war.

She hardly saw it . Her parents looked after it.

My ma didn't just manage NAAFI canteens on army camps. She ran troop trains.

Her boss was a conchie called Michael Foot. Think his son just died . I sympathise with the family in their loss.

Speaking of conchies my father was in the cavalry in the First World War and before he went to 'France' he was a camp in Mountbatten's garden Ringwood in Hampshire . One of the things he got to do was to escort conscientious objectors on the ferry over to Parkhurst. He wasn't around to bring them back. He was still in France in 1919.

I have to say that my mother lived long enough to read The Female Eunuch by Germain Greer. She's written something 'racist' in my copy.

My mam had a a fair few girls and a lot of men to manage. She had three rules about sex.

One do what you need to do to keep the lads happy without getting pregnant

Two Don't have sex.

Three If it isn't penetrative it can't get you pregnant so it isn't sex.

These were the days when the lads in the Scottish regiments would ballot on whether to chip in to have the regimental condom refurbished.

There's a p lay about it. These lads were starting the journey to their premature deaths. Is it called Stand Up Virgin Soldiers?

I think my mother's objection to Germain Greer was that she made a life for herself - which eventually included having me at the age of 36.

Now she had a sister-in-law who was an intersex. Auntie Eunice - Oh the the sublimity of grandfather's wit choosing a name so akin to eunuch - and it is memory of my mother a champion of women's rights and not the rights of male to female transsexuals that I from time to time do things that get me into trouble.